Laurence Fearnley
I was fortunate to be accepted into The Wellness Gym programme in July 2022, fourteen months after successful surgery to remove a large sarcoma from my thigh. In the period following surgery I had basically redefined myself as ‘disabled’. Along with my tumour, my hamstrings had been removed, and my mobility and flexibility had suffered enormously. I had gone from walking 60-90 minutes a day on Dunedin’s Signal Hill tracks to shuffling along, unable to raise my knee or lift my foot more than a few inches from the ground. I was unable to perform the simplest tasks: crouching to pick objects off the ground, negotiating uneven ground and steps. Many things I wanted to do – like getting on a bike, or straddling barriers such as stiles – were impossible. I could not reach below my right calf, so pulling on trousers or putting on shoes was difficult. Surgery had left me with nerve pain, scar tissue and oedema: the feeling that my leg had been hollowed out and then repacked with damp and heavy kapok and stitched back together, like an old teddy bear.
Back in 2022, I was offered individual support and one-on-one weight and resistance training at The Wellness Gym with Lynnette Jones. Individual training in a private gym allowed me to concentrate and focus on my body without feeling I was taking up space needed by healthy-bodied gym members. I had become an observer of my body, viewing it as an object that required care and attention, separate from myself. The sense of disassociation and disconnection had been a coping mechanism during treatment and surgery, and during my first weeks at the gym I was still wary of my body: scared of damaging it and causing further pain. So, the first benefit of weight training was ‘reconnection’, making me feel whole again. In becoming whole, I began to marvel at my ability to recover and grow stronger.
Based on her research, skill and experience, Lynnette Jones devised exercises that tested me (which I liked) but also protected me (for which I was grateful). Twice a week, I completed a circuit that built up strength in my entire body, from my legs and core through to my abdominals, chest, shoulders and arms. Those first few months completely changed my relationship to my body. I went from being passive to active, cautious to confident, weak to strong. Then, in the space of the following months I went from strong to stronger.
What I found interesting apart from my growing strength and flexibility was how well my life as a novelist and housewife had prepared me for a life of exercise and weight training. Writing a novel is a very slow process, one in which you increase your word count bit by bit until, surprisingly, you have a finished book in front of you. Housekeeping is never-ending. You chip away at it, there’s always more, you never reach a time when you are ‘done’. In this sense, exercise and weight training is simply the physical manifestation of writing and cleaning, and, as such, felt familiar, providing a sense of purpose and satisfaction.
In 2023, The Wellness Gym
Cancer patients, survivors able to benefit again from gym (Otago Daily Times, 27 March 2023).
Laurence Fearnley is an award-winning novelist and nonfiction writer based in Dunedin. Her latest novel, At the Grand Glacier Hotel, was published in 2024.