Rachel Sayers
On 14 September 1975, fifty marchers left Te Hāpua in the far north of Aotearoa New Zealand for the 1000 km walk to Parliament Buildings in Wellington. The hīkoi (march) was organised to raise awareness about the catastrophic loss of Māori land rights since colonisation. Led by 79-year-old Dame Whina Cooper, the hīkoi grew in strength as local people joined in along the way. About 5000 marchers arrived at Parliament on 13 October, where they presented a petition signed by 60,000 people to Prime Minister Bill Rowling.
I was nine years old when this photograph of Dame Whina Cooper and her granddaughter setting off on the hīkoi was taken. I don’t remember the event and yet the picture is meaningful to me. It hangs on my office wall, and often captures my attention as I glance up from the computer. I’ve always thought this is because it encapsulates what I feel is most important in life: children. The next generation. Our future. But why this picture and this particular quote? Why does it resonate with me so much? I decided to investigate further …
Most of us experience the death of a parent or grandparent and the loss of the past it brings. The death of an elderly family member, however, does not threaten the family’s reason to exist, and its future hopes and dreams remain. The death of a child, however, brings with it the death of part of the parents, and the psychological death of the family. In bereavement literature there is agreement that the death of a child is almost beyond the parents’ endurance. The parent-child bond is arguably the strongest bond there is. The concept of the child as an integral part of the parent’s self is logical in that the survival of the child depends on altruistic parenting. If mother and baby did not become strongly attached the baby would die. The purpose of attachment, therefore, is the survival of the species. Thus, parenthood is deeply challenged by the death of a child.
My early developmental experience included growing up on a farm in the Waikato. Although I enjoyed helping to care for the calves, lambs, piglets, chickens, puppies, and kittens, I never wanted to become a farmer. Animal handling practices at the time were not always baby-friendly, and some were cruel. It is reassuring that the practice has improved to some extent.